I think I just had a rather astonishing realization.
Boy howdy.
I have proudly called myself a serial entrepreneur for years. I love starting businesses. I love creating something from nothing. And as a business consultant, I especially love helping other people turn their ideas into real businesses.
That fires me up more than almost anything.
And yet, somewhere beneath all that confidence, I was still looking for validation from a world I was never meant to fit into.
The realization came while I was looking at LinkedIn. Someone had viewed my profile, and LinkedIn prompted me to verify information about one of my companies. The purpose, of course, was to make my profile appear more credible and help me look favorable to potential employers.
And suddenly I thought:
Wait a minute!
Why am I still trying to prove that I would make a good employee?
I have taken traditional jobs at different times throughout my life. Every time, I gave them 200 percent. But they never sat right with me.
The fluorescent lights, the cubicles, the windowless rooms, and the pressure to work in one prescribed way did not merely make me uncomfortable. They aggravated my migraines, overwhelmed my nervous system, and left me feeling as though I were failing because I could not function inside the same box as everyone around me.
For years, I thought the problem was me.
Perhaps I needed to try harder.
Perhaps I needed to be more disciplined.
Perhaps I needed to prove that I could succeed inside the professional system that tells us what a respectable career is supposed to look like.
But while looking at that LinkedIn prompt, something finally became clear.
I was not searching for a job.
I was searching for validation.
I wanted some unseen committee of respectable professionals to look at me and declare that I was worthy. That I was talented. That I belonged. That they wanted me there.
But why would I continue asking for validation from a system that has repeatedly harmed my body and worked against the way my mind naturally functions?
I already have people who want me there.
I have clients, colleagues, friends, readers, listeners, and women who trust me with their stories. I have people who recognize what I bring into a room. I do not need a corporation to confirm what my life has already demonstrated.
I know how to create products.
I know how to market.
I know how to build a business.
I know how to use technology.
I know how to connect ideas that may seem completely unrelated and turn them into something meaningful.
I know I am smart. I am laughing as I write that, but it is simply a fact.
I know I am creative.
I know I am good with people.
I know I am a musician.
I know I am becoming a pretty decent writer.
I know my brain can hold a hundred million ideas at once and, somehow, pull them together into something that occasionally feels rather brilliant.
Most importantly, I know what happens when I am working in the space where I truly belong.
I come alive when I help people.
Sometimes that means pointing someone toward joy as The Joy Ambassador.
Sometimes it means helping people laugh and fall in love with Turkey, my heart country, through Turkish Joy.
Sometimes it means creating music.
Sometimes it means speaking directly to someone’s heart.
And sometimes it simply means listening long enough for another person to tell her story and discover that her voice matters.
That is not a lesser form of work because it does not fit neatly into a job description.
It is my work.
So why have I spent so many years trying to place myself inside a box?
Even when we are confident in many areas of our lives, we may still carry an old belief that someone else must approve of us before we are allowed to trust ourselves.
But perhaps freedom begins when we stop asking people who do not understand our design to tell us whether our design is valuable.
Today, something in me finally let go.
I do not need a job to prove that I am capable.
I do not need a title to prove that I am professional.
I do not need a corporation to tell me I am worthy.
I do not need to force myself into a system that requires me to become smaller, sicker, or less myself in order to belong.
I know what I can do.
I know what I am here to create.
And for the first time in a very long time, the sky feels completely open.
Maybe this is what freedom feels like.
Maybe, for the first time in my life, I am truly free.
Join the Conversation
Where in your life have you been seeking validation from a system, organization, or person that was never able to recognize the real value of who you are?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Some of my favorite conversations begin there, and I read every one.
Continue the Journey
Paid subscribers receive Letters from Istanbul, my ongoing memoir series inspired by the years I spent living in Turkey.
If you’d like to wander the streets of Istanbul with me, meet unforgettable characters, and discover the joys, surprises, and lessons waiting around the next corner, I’d love to have you along.
Your subscription makes it possible for me to keep writing these stories and creating work that helps people find joy in unexpected places.
Until next time, may you find a little more joy in the ordinary.
— Deronda
The Joy Ambassador | Architect of Joy
This is a great piece! Freedom is being yourself, doing what brings joy and not fitting into boxes is awesome! I really enjoyed this!